Tag Archives: Carols

Let it snow!

23 Dec

Let it snowDear friends

You may recall the unseemly local inter-denominational fracas that occurred a couple of Christmases back when it was every clergyman for himself in a bid to cream off the Christmas carol service trade.

You may also remember the desperate attempts by one particular ecclesiastical establishment who went so far as to employ the services of a certain Mr Cone (the local ice cream vendor who understandably has a rather lean time of it during the winter season) to announce over his speaker system (in strict rotation with his theme tune of Popeye the Sailor Man) which was the best church in town!

Having had a dressing down from the bishop for not being more ‘pushy’ when it came to promoting St Cliff’s festive offerings I hit upon what I considered a sure-fire way to pull in the punters this year and thus appease his ire.

In the process of my annual excursion into the musty manse loft to unearth our Christmas decorations I chanced upon a video marked ‘The Snowman’.

In no time at all the aforementioned popular animated production was whirring away in our trusty VHS player (my meagre stipend not being able to quite stretch to a DVD ‘upgrade’).

I will admit that the quality of the video left more than a little to be desired (it having being recorded by my good self from a Christmas televisual screening many moons ago).

I was a little unsure whether the unremitting (and somewhat irritating) snow effect overlaying the production was in fact intentional or simply the result of the video’s antiquity. That aside, it proved serendipitous, it being the catalyst for my veritable brainwave.

Unbeknownst to my fellow ministers in the town, a rather well-known female opera singer had moved into this fair parish of late and was offering her services (for free) as a way of getting getting to know the locals (and no doubt offloading a few more copies of her latest CD).

What a feather in my proverbial cap it would be if I could bag the diva in question to perform a rendition of the ‘chart-topping’ theme song to the The Snowman (the original performer’s voice no doubt having dropped a couple of octaves in the interim) as the finale to ‘Carols at St Cliff’s’.

To cut a long story short, I not only managed to secure the lady’s vocal services but on her arrival at St Cliff’s it appeared that she had ‘gone the extra mile’ and given herself a rather festive snow-covered look to get herself into the part (as I understand is the wont of theatrical types).

Amid the assembled throng of folk arriving for our festive soiree I loudly congratulated our guest soloist on being such a sport and gamely going for the snow effect on her hair and shoulders.

If I had but known that the copious white dusting that adorned her upper body owed nothing whatsoever to theatrical effect and everything to an unfortunate case of dandruff (a condition I now discover that she was rather sensitive about) I would have held my tongue.

That I did not is to be forever rued.

As the affronted singer turned on her heels and headed for the exit I clutched at straws and offered her the olive branch of a one-on-one session with a member of our prayer ministry team in the hope of perhaps resolving this unfortunate malady, but thus to no avail.

It was not without irony that at that particular moment the film’s final poignant image of the snowman melting into obscurity popped into my head.

How I wished, at that particular moment, that this had been in my gift also.

I fear that for the next twelve months, with regard to the bishop, I will not so much be ‘walking in the air’ (to quote the lyrics of the theme song to this now tarnished production) but rather, walking on egg shells.

Let us hope and pray that the coming year does not begin as badly this one has ended.

Onward and upward


You can also find me at  https://www.facebook.com/derektheclericsquirkyworld